For me it all started at the age of around 16. I would get terrible aching pains in my knees that would keep me awake at night and cause me problems throughout the day. After many trips to the doctor and several arthritis tests later the doctor simply put it down to growing pains. So my knees, at the age of 16, decided they still were not big enough? OK so I'm going to have some giant knees. Obviously I always believed there was more to it then that but then the pain would go and I'd have no trouble for months. Just when it's a thing of the past and completely forgotten about, there it was. Back in my knees causing me the most misery. I'd return to the doctor to have the same tests and eventually be sent away with nothing more then a few pain killers. This was a cycle I lived for a good few years.
It took me away from alot of the simple joys in life, the things I really had interests in like my sports. I was a sprinter, rounders player, netball player and more. These became things I just couldn't do and I slowly got more and more unfit and unsure as to what I would be able to do.
I found my niche in cake decorating and that became my new talent that I really enjoyed. I always knew I'd never be the office type and was happier being creative. I started a course in cake decorating as I really wanted this to become a career. I wanted that bit of paper at the end to say that this is something I definitely can do. Half way through my course, and during an extremely bad fibro flare up, I started to get a familiar achy pain but in my wrist and elbow. It took me a while before I could let myself realise this was the same thing. I could no longer do the most basic tasks required in my course, to kneed and roll out icing. The pain was just too much. I went back to the doctor. A different one as I'd recently moved and again the same cycle of blood tests. I hoped it would be different this time as i was seeing a different doctor in a different surgery. But instead I was told all was fine but given folic acid and vitamin d to help my bones. I was also given arthritis medication even tough they confirmed that that wasn't what I had. So no surprise this didn't help. I dropped out of my course and lost interest because it just made me very sad. I still make cakes on rare occasions for friends and family when I feel I can but it upsets me so i avoid it.
I was determined to see different doctors during different flare ups. One even prescribed me gym sessions for sports injury which will never make sense to me. I felt unheard and given up on so many times over.
One day, after a terrible sleep, I woke up in such a bad way. I couldn't do simple tasks like put my self through the pain of standing up. That one second to bend my knees to be upright would put such a block in my mind that I'd sit there for 5 minutes just thinking about doing it. My shoulders had gotten so bad I'd need help with simple dressing as by this point the pain was there to. This flare up was the longest and worst I'd ever had and I called the doctor after giving up for a year before. The doctor I saw was not one I'd seen before and was just taking the emergency appointments for the day. I sat down and gave him the run down of the last few years and he straight away said "this sounds to me like fibromyalgia". I'm sure he could tell by my face I had no idea what this word meant as he started printing sheets of information. He checked pressure points in my back and explained my symptoms, some of my personal triggers that i myself had noticed, such as weather change, and it all just made so much sense suddenly. I finally had an answer and it was relief but terrifying. Chronic pain? Likely to get worst? No treatment? Lovely. But even so I was so happy to have an answer and not be turnt away. He explained to me some options I did have such as counselling and even antidepressants. I chose to not take any of these options as I feel I've lived with it for so long I'll just carry on. At least I now can say when I'm feeling bad, I'm not just 'tired', 'lazy', 'unfit' or many other horrid and hurtful things that don't describe me at all. I actually have a condition and despite all the trouble it gives me I still live my life and am a great parent to my 2 children.
I'm currently going through physio as so many years of compensating with my body, to avoid pains, has fatigued alot of my muscles. So on top of fibro pain, I have a painful back and damage to my shoulder and knee muscles too. The physio won't help with the fibro but will help give me the tools to repair muscles and correct my posture which will take away alot of the pain I currently have. I wish I'd had this option earlier but am so glad that I have it now. I've also been offered some pain therapy to help me deal with it all alot better.
I'm aware this post sounds very pitying but as its fibo awareness day i wanted to share my personal struggle to diagnosis. I'm in a very positive mindset now and I'm grateful to have the help and support that I currently do. fibromyalgia does not define me, but it is a huge part of my life. None of us know the day to day struggles a person goes though. Not all conditions are so clear to see or even understand.
Happy awareness day to all my fellow sufferers!
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